Remember my blog entry, Overkill from August 18th, 2010 outlining my explanation and apology for a major blunder on my part regarding the FTN forums? In the past few days I have worked with a friend who also happens to be one of the people who spearheaded the character assault on me during the ordeal. She has since expressed her heartfelt contriteness and we've made amends to the point where she has been my liaison to the admin and mod council of the FTN forums. As it turns out my apology was well received by everyone, except for two people; the admin and a moderator.
Bummer, huh? I did exactly what the admin had asked me to do in order to be considered for returning, but instead my apology fell on deaf ears (or blind eyes as it were.) Thing is, I'm not mad. I don't think poorly of the moderators or even of my dear friend the admin. What the admin is probably unaware of is that I know her in real life by our real names, and it is likely she has no idea that the two are one-and-the-same. The way she behaves online is so unlike the person I know and love in real life. It's actually hard for me to believe that the person that has such beef with me is the same person that's so sweet and charming in real life. So I may have the right to be mad at her and the other mod for this, but my life is too short and love is so much more important that I cannot waste more time being angry and hating people for these little things.
Oh, and the reason I even wanted to go back there was because I've been reading the books these forums were designed to discuss and I wanted to be able to have discussions, however these books are somewhat unknown to the larger majority of readers and therefore I cannot. The FTN forums seems to fill a very unique niche that I'd be hard-pressed to find elsewhere, but it also just so happens that I've burned a lot of bridges and there are some not ready to build new ones yet.
This reminds me of what Jesus said in Matthew 18:21-22, that we should not forgive someone seven times, but seventy times seven. This was not a literal figure, but meant as an expression of our unending willingness to forgive those who have wronged us. That doesn't mean we have to let people walk all over us, but we shouldn't hold things against them for the sake of wanting vindication or the satisfaction of knowing you were right and they were wrong. This is something I know I struggle with when I know that I am right, but it doesn't anybody else sees it that way. My natural inclination is to point out why they are in the wrong and I am right, but Jesus is basically saying, "Forget that, just forgive 'em and move on." And again in Matthew 5:46-47 Christ says to love your enemies. He asks what good is there in loving just your friends? Even the most corrupt and despicable people do that.
The final decision shall be made in a week from now, so until then I do not hold my breath or stir myself into a nervous frenzy. Whatever happens will happen and only God can judge our hearts. It is not in my job description as a disciple of Jesus to cast one person as the villain and another as the hero, but instead I am to spread the Gospel and make disciples wherever I go; speaking truth in love and sharing His love with everyone I meet. That, my friends, is all I can do at this point, but it is all I want to do if it brings glory to the Father.
Hoc est verum,