Monday, June 21, 2010

The Pain of Withdrawal

In case you have not yet been privy to this information, for about a month now I have relapsed in my smoking. I'm not proud of it, but I am trying to be honest. I'm writing this entry because I feel that some people callously push me to quit or talk down to me as if I don't know what it is I'm doing to myself with each puff. Some mean well when they encourage me to stop smoking, others it's not so apparent as to their intentions. What none of them realize is what it takes to quit. Most of the people who have smoked before and quit have not been the ones getting on my case about it. They don't usually say much about my smoking at all, perhaps because they know what it is I'm going through and they know like I do what it takes to quit.

Most of you probably don't want to know what I'm about to share with you. You'd all like to think that quitting is as simple as deciding to quit and then all you have to do is throw away your cigarettes. You probably wish that I would not burst that illusion, that I would not tear that shred of ignorance from your ideal "reality" which you find so comforting. I'm afraid that the only way I can spare you from enlightenment is to tell you to not read this entry. If you don't read this entry though, I consider you a coward. The world is not made of daisies and daffodils, but of blood, sweat, and tears. The world is what we make it by our own perseverance, and by quitting smoking I can make it a better place by increasing my chances of having a bigger positive impact on it.

To give you an idea of what quitting takes, I'm going to relay to you a story of what happened to me last night when I went into withdrawal. It was about midnight and I was steadily getting more irritable. I was casually thinking up ways to come up with some money so that I could buy a pack. As the night drew on, I was becoming more desperate, to the point where I couldn't sit still. I was digging in coat pockets, rummaging through random drawers, searching through the crevices in my furniture. I became so tense that my teeth were practically mashed together as one. Eventually there was this terrible aching throughout my body, like my blood was boiling beneath my skin and my joints were exploding with pressure. My hands were shaking and I could not stop tapping my feet. I chewed on gum to keep from grinding my teeth but I knew I had to find some money or I was not going to be able to sleep that night. It got to the point where I was contemplating stealing money from someplace, but all the while my mind knew that I would not forgive myself if I compromised my integrity for something as low as cigarettes. After a little while I didn't care anymore what it took to get that money, so I ran to my room and ripped it apart. I searched everywhere for even just a dime. Eventually I found two dollars in an old envelope where I kept money that I was saving for random things. After counting up all my silver, I drove to the gas station and bought a pack of my regular Marlboro 27's.

After smoking two cigarettes, I was limp as a wet noodle, and I thought to myself, "This is the most fucking stupid thing I've ever gotten myself into."

So instead of reminding me of how I need to quit, just imagine the pain of your blood boiling beneath your skin and encourage me to keep going with my plans to quit cold turkey. If you know me personally, call me up and ask me how I'm doing.

Until next time,
De Facto

Monday, June 14, 2010

Who Governs the Government?

Thomas Jefferson is often quoted as having said, "People should not fear their governments, rather governments should fear the people." He may or may not have said that, but I do have a quote that equivocally drives home the same message, "When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty."

As a conservative anarchist, meaning I believe that in order to restore the Republic back to what our Founding Fathers created there needs to be a complete overhaul in the government system, I believe that this quote reaches to the very core of what is wrong with our perverted form of a representative democracy. Instead of the Government being a faceless entity that serves the people, we have faceless people serving a one-man government. I'm not referring to President Obama, I'm actually referring to the fact all it takes is one wo/man to rise up with an agenda and they can push policy until it happens. They do what they want and it's always about control. This is not exclusive to progressives or the Democratic Party, as the Republican Party is rife with phonies from fascists to spineless worms who would sell their soul to win an election.

You know what's the worst part about all this? My ranting will do nothing, because I am one man. This country is by the people, for the people; meaning that we can change this country to whatever we want. Right now we have elected people who are pushing this country towards communism, and no, I won't be able to explain how they are doing it in this little blog. My attention span is wearing thin right now and I just don't feel like staring at the computer screen anymore. Be warned, the worst thing anyone can do is be apathetic about politics. I'd rather have someone vehemently oppose me politically than someone who doesn't have a stance at all.

Until next time,
De Facto

Monday, June 7, 2010

Allegories, Metaphors, and Hidden Messages- Oh my!

Only about 15 hours ago I finished transcribing one of the earliest short stories, that is of course excluding all the nonsense I wrote when I was a little kid, and the first comment I recieved was quite positive with one minor note. My reviewer noted that they got the impression that there may be a metaphorical property to my story. Well, Reviewer, I must congratulate you for picking up on the whole purpose of why I wrote that story without having any background on the story- no sarcasm intended. It was completely one big metaphor, more accurately termed an allegory that I had been stewing over for a couple weeks before I finally put pen to paper and wrote it down. By the way, if you have no idea what I'm talking about you can read the story here: The Young Lady and Her Manor of Pain. What I'm about to say may or may not make any sense unless you've read the story.

Let's wind the clocks back a couple years to my junior year of high school. And before someone says it in a comment, yes, that winding the clocks back line does remind me of the Joker from Dark Knight. Anyway, my then-girlfriend, Sparrow, had inspired me to write this story I had been throwing around in my mind for some time. The concept was simple; explain God's love for His children in a way that doesn't come across as preachy or condemning, as that would defeat the whole purpose. I'll admit that the character of the young lady was inspired by my ex-girlfriend, although many of the psychological, spiritual, physical, and emotional problems the young lady had are real-life analogies to problems many women face. Not only do women struggle with these problems, but often times we act out in the same way the young lady did towards the young man in the way we treat God.

Sometimes we'd rather stay in the comfort of our own turmoil because it's all we've ever known rather than give it up to God. We'd rather suffer with the things that tie us down emotionally, physically, intellectually, or spiritually rather than surrender it over to God. Sometimes we can be stubborn even listening to God. The young man, who was loosely analogous for Christ, tried to deliver a gift from the King. Sometimes we're like the young lady, we just refuse it because we can't or refuse to understand why someone so powerful would want give us a gift. The truth that I tried to convey in the dialogue between the young man and the young lady during the interraction when she refuses his gift is that God's grace and forgiveness is not something that can be earned, it is a gift that He offers out of His love and desire to see all those want to spend eternity with Him have a chance to have that.

On top of that, I find myself slightly obssessed with Father-Daughter relationships, and not in the creepy way that Adult FanFiction is. I think it has something to do with the fact that I think Father-Daughter relationships accurately portray how God the Father loves His children. Anyways, that's all I have to say about that.

I am normally really hesitant to share the meanings of short stories because I feel that it ruins it for those who didn't interpret it the same way as I intended it. On top of that, I don't want those who do not follow Christ to read the explanation and feel like they've bee tricked into reading a Bible story. If I was going to make you read a Bible story, I'd copy a Bible story, but instead of just shoving stuff down your throat, I'd rather explain why it is I have chosen God by portraying Him in a way that isn't judgmental or preachy.

Until nex time,
De Facto

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

God is Love, We Can Not (Be)

The statement, "God is Love" is taken at face value for a lot of Christians, but how many think about it more in depth? If God is Love, then Love is perfect. We are human beings and human beings are imperfect. If no human beings are perfect, and Love is perfect, then no human beings can Love. The problem becomes more clear now, doesn't it? How can we mere human beings ever truly Love anything if Love is perfect? We can imitate Love by exhibiting the attributes thereof; patience, kindness, contentment (opposite of envy), humility, politeness, selflessness, slow to anger, forgiving, rejoicing in truth, protecting, trusting, hopeful, and persevering, but we can never do all these things perfectly in the way that Love can.

One theory I would submit as plausible is that with Love inside of us, we become more like Him, and therefore we are more and more able to Love. The flesh is the antithesis of Love, with it we can only attempt a perverse imitation of Love which has no real merits because the flesh is always serving itself. The more we come into union with Christ the more we can reflect the change within with an outwards more perfected imitation of Love. Afterall, the Bible says to, "Be imitators of God" in Ephesians 5:1. We may never be able to do it perfectly, but God says to us in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." Paul goes so far as to say that he then boasts in his weakness so that Christ's power may rest on him.

This is probably one of the shortest entries I've made that actually had deep thoughts involved, but that's alright. Sometimes clarity and brevity are the best. As a side note, I think you all might enjoy my updated Me In Five Songs playlist. You can find a link to a pop-out player on the right. Yeah, it's that ugly black button that says "Pop-Out Player"

Until next time,
De Facto