Ever since I joined the theatre company nine months ago, I have gradually pursued a deeper relationship with Yeshua. Before that time, I was pretty complacent in my walk with God. I had no reason to go forward, because where I was people thought I was such spiritual guy and looked up to me as a leader. In truth, I was the furthest thing from a leader and hardly spiritual. When I joined the theatre company God showed me that I had to make a choice. The spiritual warfare was too intense to be on the fence about my spiritual walk. I had to decide who I was going to serve; myself, or God. I chose God, and I'll be honest that when I first made that choice I was making it more as programmed response than because that's what I really wanted. God took my complacency and trampled on it with His awesome righteousness and showed me what I could have if I only lived my life completely dedicated to Him. It was then, after a spiritual kick in the behind that I began the process of surrendering everything. I put it this way because I feel like sometimes when someone talks about when I first started in the ministry, they don't have the full story. Even after I had made the choice to surrender everything, it wasn't until a couple months ago that I was able to surrender one last thing that was so important to me.
In more recent months, I have come to a point in my walk where I feel like God is actually right beside me, and I know that is there for me. I don't have to read Scripture to reassure myself, and even though I still need read Scripture, it's not to reassure myself of these truths which I feel are now self-evident. I call on God and He answers, because I have complete faith in Him. I have wanted this, at least a part of me has, for most of my life. I have always wanted God to be the center of my life and the source of my strength, now I finally have it. This is not to say that I am perfect, because I'm not. I still have free will and still make choices at times that are wrong, but 1 John 1:9 says that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness. This is verse I don't need to quote for reassurance, I quote it to validate what I know. I am at a point in my life where my faith, belief, and knowledge are equally balanced to the point that no matter what happens, I know that God will somehow bring about a glorious outcome.
In Proverbs we're told not to lean on our own understanding, but instead acknowledge Him and He will make our paths straight. Lately I've found myself in situations where I have clearly heard God tell me to do something and it sounded so ridiculous in my own mind that I just didn't do it. For example, one day I was just about to leave for the Ministry House because we had a show that night. God distinctly told me to bring my iPod after I had decided I wasn't going to take it with me. I hesitated after hearing God tell me to bring it. Why would God tell me to bring my iPod? Why would He even care whether or not I bring my iPod? Unfortunately, I didn't bring it, but of course there was a reason God told me to. We were five minutes on the road in the company van when our director pulls something out of a compartment and says, "Hey, look at this, now you guys can let the whole van listen to your iPod. We can plug it in with this deal..." In his hand the director had a cassette adapter for an iPod. My jaw literally dropped as I realized the significance of this. Never in a million years would I expect my director to buy one of those adapters, considering that I never thought he'd tolerate the kind of music most of us actors listen to. God gently chastised me by saying, "You could have unified the team by worshiping Me."
Another time, which actually just happened last week, I was on my way to the Ministry House. It was extremely early in the morning and I was praying up a storm for strength and that God would help us all make the three performances really awesome. I was grabbing all my shirts that I needed, specifically the ones that were on hangers and I heard God say to me that i was supposed to bring my white collared dress shirt. I was really puzzled, since my collared dress shirt wasn't apart of any of my costumes and I had already picked out a different dress shirt to wear en route to the school we were performing at. I shrugged it off and didn't bring the shirt. Sure enough, about ten hours later during our technical rehearsal one of my fellow actors asked me if I had a collared dress shirt. Apparently he had forgotten his and no longer had the appropriate shirt for his costume. I grunted and told him the whole story of what had happened at 4:30 that morning, and I apologized to him and to God for not listening.
Funny thing that I trust God with my finances, or lack thereof, and yet when He tells me to bring an iPod or a white collared dress shirt I have a problem just saying, "Yes, Lord." I'm one of those people that wants to trust God completely, but at the same time I don't want to be unrealistic like some Christians who run around without their glasses saying, "God is going to heal me!!!" Stupidity and blind (yes, blind) following of the doctrines and dogma of some ultra charismatic preacher will get you nowhere. Anyways, that's off topic, I just have to laugh at myself and wag a finger (not the finger) because of how silly I am. I'm sure God doesn't get mad at me when I do this, because He knows what goes through my head, and at the same time I bet it does kind of irk Him that I've come so far and yet I won't just trust Him with trivial things. Samuel told Saul, "I desire obedience rather than sacrifice." I could exhaust all my energy worshiping, dancing, and singing to Lord but God would rather me take my iPod to a performance when He tells me to than doing all that other stuff.
I guess the trivial matters. Until next time,