Ever taken on a task that you felt was so noble and worth while that you were willing to do the seemingly impossible? How much have you been willing to sacrifice to accomplish the task? If you're thinking of your walk with Christ, that's good, but not what I'm talking about. However, it does mean that in some way you can relate to how I'm feeling. Whether you are an elder in the faith, or a newborn papoose just experiencing the fullness of God's Love for the first time, you may still be able to relate based on our calling from Romans 8 to be of the Spirit of God and not of the flesh; one or the other, not both.
"Destiny is not a matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved." - Jean de La Fontaine
Sometimes I want to compare what I'm doing to a lion chasing a deer, but that is quite inaccurate for I am not in hot pursuit with the promise of impending reward for such efforts. No, my task is one that is long and tiresome, but requires constant vigilance and has no promise of any reward except the whatever thrill comes of taking on the task. Granted, if I succeed at my task there is a variable element that could make my task all for naught- or perhaps not. That is the question I ask you and I will put in the terms of an analogy to explain further my dilemma. Try to not focus on individual details half as much as the overarching story, since I'm trying to be too complex a few things may throw you for a loop if you get too caught up on the finer points of it.
A baker has a successful shop in the town which he sells his goods, however the town has already expanded to it's maximum capacity and is showing signs of the population dwindling due to people relocating, lack of reproduction, and other causes not relevant to the analogy. He knows that there is a city not a great distance away where if he could relocate his business then he could maintain his successful shop. He knows a man who owns a building in this city and could easily use the building for his shop. The baker has to prepare and move all of his equipment to this city, effectively closing down his shop in the town he currently provides for. All this would take approximately two years to accomplish, but there is no guarantee that the man in this city will sell his building to the baker and if the baker cannot buy the building, then he has just lost both his bakery in the town and his ability to set-up a new shop in the city. The man who owns the building is a shrewd business man and will not commit to selling his building to the baker prematurely, but instead wants to wait until the best offer comes. The baker can only do his best to offer all that he has, which means he has to sell his shop in the town in order to have enough money to offer the man in the city for the building.
Now, given the analogy what would you do being the baker?