Let me put this disclaimer right up front that nothing I say here excuses my behavior. This entry is simply a reflection on my behavior, delving within myself to find a reason for the way I am. Any comments indicating that you did not read this disclaiming will elicit a response from me summarily ripping you a proverbial new one. I have little patience for ignorant spatting responses by emotionally charged persons who want to put me into my place.
Now that I have scared away anyone from commenting, not that I really get a lot of comments anyway, but this entry is a response to the one I wrote earlier today titled, "Why a fag is my most loyal friend". It's a very mean-spirited entry that I wrote before going on the road. I came home from that trip, got nine hours of sleep, and instantly new that I needed to follow it up with something slightly more edifying.
Lately, I have noticed the stark contrast between how I behave when I've had rest and when I'm tired. I'm not talking about feeling a little worn out, but I mean when I've gone 15-20 hours without sleep. It's like I become a whole different person, a Mr. Hyde within the Dr. Jekyll. I'm short-tempered, quick to open my mouth, and slow to listen to reason. The worst part is that when I'm that tired I see the way I'm behaving and I hate it, but at the same time I feel less guilty about it because it's the only thing keeping me going.
... Now I'm really sad and have no motivation to finish this post.
Sic semper tyrannis,
De Facto
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Why a fag is my most loyal friend
Fags, a British idiom for cigarettes, are the most loyal friends I have ever had. Yeah, sure they'll give me cancer and kill me one day, but let's look at bright side. Surprise! Even I can be positive once in a while. A fag is always greets me a kiss. Each and every one of them is warm and leaves me with a good feeling in the end. They never criticize me for the things I lack, nor do they care that I'm not perfect. They don't complain if I don't have time for them, but they're always there for me. Fags may start to get low, but you only need to go so far as a grocer, gas station, or tobacco shop to renew their vigor.
Fags are not racist, sexist, or otherwise bigoted in any way and will always help someone out if I introduce them. They are there for me in the middle of the night when I'm all alone and no one is there to talk to. They're there for me when all the world threatens to strangle me. Fags don't care whether or not it's -20 or 200 degrees Fahrenheit, they'll be there when I need them. They don't live across town where seeing them is a rare occasion. They don't mind coming out on a moments notice. Fags are just there for me whenever I need them.
Bitch and moan about my cruel satire, but let's face it that when the chips are down and everything else is gone there is one thing that I know will be there for me to pick me up: my fags.
Sic semper tyrannis,
De Facto
P.S. - Fags don't need to be reminded when my birthday is, they're always around.
Fags are not racist, sexist, or otherwise bigoted in any way and will always help someone out if I introduce them. They are there for me in the middle of the night when I'm all alone and no one is there to talk to. They're there for me when all the world threatens to strangle me. Fags don't care whether or not it's -20 or 200 degrees Fahrenheit, they'll be there when I need them. They don't live across town where seeing them is a rare occasion. They don't mind coming out on a moments notice. Fags are just there for me whenever I need them.
Bitch and moan about my cruel satire, but let's face it that when the chips are down and everything else is gone there is one thing that I know will be there for me to pick me up: my fags.
Sic semper tyrannis,
De Facto
P.S. - Fags don't need to be reminded when my birthday is, they're always around.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
The Aching Bride: Presence and Power of God
Life is chaos, complicated by our existence because of it. We have such complex brains, yet not quite complex enough to comprehend it all, for it we could would we not understand everything that we see and do? Would we not give up all inefficient means of doing anything we wanted to do in order to achieve it more perfectly? I'm probably not making much sense, the fact I'm trying to convey is that there are times when we feel like the more we try to do to fix the problems in our life we seem to make bigger messes and then we saying to ourselves, "Oh, great, now I'm worse off than I was before!" Some of us, if you're like me, want to throw a few profanities in there... Yeah, some of us need work in that area.
And then there's Jesus, who is the most patient deity I've ever heard of. He makes all of that chaos just seem moot. Seriously though, I think Zeus would have zapped me dead long ago if he was my god. Thor would have used his hammer to smack me back to before I was born. Shiva would wrapped her arms around my throat and strangled me. Buddha would have sat on me. Allah would have sent his barbarian prophet to kill me. Joseph Smith would have bored me to death with his prideful retelling of how he miraculously translated the Book of Mormon. Do you get my point? Instead of getting frustrated with me, Jesus takes my hand and helps me clean up all the garbage I've spread around in life. He shows me how to avoid making that same mess again and forgives me for the trouble I caused. He works directly with those I've hurt to heal their broken hearts and helps me to be strong enough to ask for forgiveness for the evil I've done to them. After all is said and done, all I want to do is sob heavily at His feet for I know who I am. I am the Bride that doesn't deserve such a Groom. I am Royalty because He accepts me despite my failings, takes me in, and calls me His. His!
How can I describe to you what an amazing thing it is to be Loved like this? How can I describe to you the Savior who did not leave, but drew closer and held me? Can I even begin to explain the rapture of being in Love so deeply with Someone who never ceases, never fails, never gives up? Oh and the pursuit! You want romance? How about a Lover who won't relent until He has all of me? Not like the creepy Edward stalker-like haunting, but instead He comes to me and knocks, asking for permission to gain entrance and sweep me off my feet! How about a Lover who was accused of being fake, evil, and weak dying just to show how much He loved me? Even Death could not keep His love from reaching me, for after three days, He rose again and forgave me for the very things I did that put Him the grave.
Though He left for a time, He has promised His return and left love letters that make my heart flutter in expectation and joy. Friends, if you have not experienced this Love, Love eternal, then please don't wait any longer to have it. Jesus doesn't care what you've done, where you've been, or even how much you believe in Him as long as you're willing to reach out and take hold of the gift He's been longing to you. He loves you the very way I've described. If you don't believe me, I challenge you to search your heart and then search for Jesus. Seek Him, draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. Taste and see that He is good!
Sic semper tyrannis,
De Facto
And then there's Jesus, who is the most patient deity I've ever heard of. He makes all of that chaos just seem moot. Seriously though, I think Zeus would have zapped me dead long ago if he was my god. Thor would have used his hammer to smack me back to before I was born. Shiva would wrapped her arms around my throat and strangled me. Buddha would have sat on me. Allah would have sent his barbarian prophet to kill me. Joseph Smith would have bored me to death with his prideful retelling of how he miraculously translated the Book of Mormon. Do you get my point? Instead of getting frustrated with me, Jesus takes my hand and helps me clean up all the garbage I've spread around in life. He shows me how to avoid making that same mess again and forgives me for the trouble I caused. He works directly with those I've hurt to heal their broken hearts and helps me to be strong enough to ask for forgiveness for the evil I've done to them. After all is said and done, all I want to do is sob heavily at His feet for I know who I am. I am the Bride that doesn't deserve such a Groom. I am Royalty because He accepts me despite my failings, takes me in, and calls me His. His!
How can I describe to you what an amazing thing it is to be Loved like this? How can I describe to you the Savior who did not leave, but drew closer and held me? Can I even begin to explain the rapture of being in Love so deeply with Someone who never ceases, never fails, never gives up? Oh and the pursuit! You want romance? How about a Lover who won't relent until He has all of me? Not like the creepy Edward stalker-like haunting, but instead He comes to me and knocks, asking for permission to gain entrance and sweep me off my feet! How about a Lover who was accused of being fake, evil, and weak dying just to show how much He loved me? Even Death could not keep His love from reaching me, for after three days, He rose again and forgave me for the very things I did that put Him the grave.
Though He left for a time, He has promised His return and left love letters that make my heart flutter in expectation and joy. Friends, if you have not experienced this Love, Love eternal, then please don't wait any longer to have it. Jesus doesn't care what you've done, where you've been, or even how much you believe in Him as long as you're willing to reach out and take hold of the gift He's been longing to you. He loves you the very way I've described. If you don't believe me, I challenge you to search your heart and then search for Jesus. Seek Him, draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. Taste and see that He is good!
Sic semper tyrannis,
De Facto
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Holier Than Thou
After an altercation with an admin on another forum I frequent, I became aware that perhaps amidst all the angry ranting and misguided uttering of a wounded person I may have managed to speak some truth. It is widely known and exacerbated by hateful Christians that followers of Christ can be judgmental and have an attitude of superiority. Sometimes I think in our efforts to abstain from being like the world we cut ourselves off from the mission field.
While I appreciate the efforts of missionaries and overseas evangelists, sometimes going into a situation screaming Jesus is like showing up to a meeting of the United Nations guns blazing. I wrestle with the concept of being in the world and not of it, especially with my music because many of my favorite bands have the same desire as me and yet I want them to scream Jesus so that I have something blatantly proclaiming His Name to listen to. There was a time when I would have accused these bands of "selling out", but when I think about it if they had then that would make me the worst sell out of them all.
It's come to my attention that some people may find my blog not entirely edifying or wholesome. I admit that some of my writing is not the behavior of the blue-eyed, blond-haired Christ we've all got hanging in our living rooms, but perhaps Jesus wasn't like that at all. Jesus was a homeless man of a family that had no status in the society, does that sound like your pastor? He probably smelled weird and wore clothes that didn't fit him, maybe even bathed once in a while. Does that sound like the kind of people you say, "God bless you" to in church? Jesus blatantly opposed the religious authority and their practices and taught them a thing or two even as a small boy, does this sound like the little children in your Sunday school classes?
So yeah, I'm not perfect and I make mistakes. Admittedly. I also say things in ways that perhaps you don't like. Got it. The fact of the matter is that I'm not catering the Christians who have it all figured out. Oh wait, nobody has it all figured out and nobody is walking on sunshine every day. So why in the world do Christians get down on me for the content of my blog? Should I put a Bible verse in every one of my blogs? Should I end my blog with a God bless you and a little smilie face, would that be Christian enough? No, that would only be catering to someone's idea of what a Christian should be, as if they know and understand fully what a Christian should be. I can't pretend to be something I'm not and if you don't like what's on my blog, then please don't read it. If you do, don't cherry-pick my entries to find the most objectionable and say that I'm not living a Christ-like lifestyle. Your job is to love, God will judge. Instead of wasting time pulling the speck out of my eye, why don't you get out there and try to minister to the lost and hurting?
There are lots of well-intentioned people out there who have rules for their communities about how to conduct oneself, but we must ask ourselves if Jesus were to behave the way He did as recorded in the gospels, would He be allowed in our community?
"My Jesus wouldn't be allowed in my church... The blood on His feet might stain the carpet." - Todd Agnew
Sic semper tyrannis,
De Facto
While I appreciate the efforts of missionaries and overseas evangelists, sometimes going into a situation screaming Jesus is like showing up to a meeting of the United Nations guns blazing. I wrestle with the concept of being in the world and not of it, especially with my music because many of my favorite bands have the same desire as me and yet I want them to scream Jesus so that I have something blatantly proclaiming His Name to listen to. There was a time when I would have accused these bands of "selling out", but when I think about it if they had then that would make me the worst sell out of them all.
It's come to my attention that some people may find my blog not entirely edifying or wholesome. I admit that some of my writing is not the behavior of the blue-eyed, blond-haired Christ we've all got hanging in our living rooms, but perhaps Jesus wasn't like that at all. Jesus was a homeless man of a family that had no status in the society, does that sound like your pastor? He probably smelled weird and wore clothes that didn't fit him, maybe even bathed once in a while. Does that sound like the kind of people you say, "God bless you" to in church? Jesus blatantly opposed the religious authority and their practices and taught them a thing or two even as a small boy, does this sound like the little children in your Sunday school classes?
So yeah, I'm not perfect and I make mistakes. Admittedly. I also say things in ways that perhaps you don't like. Got it. The fact of the matter is that I'm not catering the Christians who have it all figured out. Oh wait, nobody has it all figured out and nobody is walking on sunshine every day. So why in the world do Christians get down on me for the content of my blog? Should I put a Bible verse in every one of my blogs? Should I end my blog with a God bless you and a little smilie face, would that be Christian enough? No, that would only be catering to someone's idea of what a Christian should be, as if they know and understand fully what a Christian should be. I can't pretend to be something I'm not and if you don't like what's on my blog, then please don't read it. If you do, don't cherry-pick my entries to find the most objectionable and say that I'm not living a Christ-like lifestyle. Your job is to love, God will judge. Instead of wasting time pulling the speck out of my eye, why don't you get out there and try to minister to the lost and hurting?
There are lots of well-intentioned people out there who have rules for their communities about how to conduct oneself, but we must ask ourselves if Jesus were to behave the way He did as recorded in the gospels, would He be allowed in our community?
"My Jesus wouldn't be allowed in my church... The blood on His feet might stain the carpet." - Todd Agnew
Sic semper tyrannis,
De Facto
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
$1 Million In Armor And I'd Trade It All For A Can of Raid
The title is a quote from a rather disappointing movie, Lost in Space, but it stuck with me because it seemed humorous. Unfortunately what I'm going to be talking about is memorable but not humorous. Recently Chuck Baldwin published an article called, Dates That Destroyed America which was linked to on one of the forums I frequent. In the article, Mr. Baldwin cites January 22, 1973 as one of these dates that destroyed America. Someone who stands by the decision the judges made in the Roe V. Wade case said this:
"Roe vs. Wade was the correct decision. Christians can't make a coherent case against abortion without resorting to supernatural explanations."
It may be true that for the most part Christians don't have an argument against that decision without referencing their deity or their holy texts (God sent me one last night, it said, "lol" Wurd...) I was a little frustrated when I responded, so excuse me if this comes across as crass, but I had this to say:
"Regardless of whether you['re] pro-choice or pro-life, it was wrong because the judicial branch is not meant to make laws but to determine the legal precedent Roe had to make. Roe should have lost the case and pro-choicers could have used that as a rallying cry for change within our system, but instead the judges overstepped their authority and we bent over and let them give it to us doggy-style.
Roe V. Wade is wrong, wrong, wrong and the only reason I can think of that pro-choicers like it is because it meant that they got what they [want]. I think people on the left side of this social issue are too blinded by that low-blow victory to see what is wrong with that decision."
The fact of the matter is just that. The pro-choice side may be able to make a stronger case against the pro-life position citing their scientific data, but at the same time they completely ignore the gross violation of the fundamental structure of our government. The judicial branch does not make laws, they judge whether an incident happened to be on the right side or the wrong side of the laws already in place.
I once heard a pro-choice advocate describe a fetus as a parasite and that leads me to my next point about the way the pro-choice minimalize the humanity of a fetus in efforts to chalk an unborn baby up to a mass collective of tissue. The problem with trying answer the abortion issue with science is that it is not entirely a scientific question. It's a philosophical question about when life begins. We can try playing pin the tail on the definition of life, but there's even argument whether it's about when life begins if life begins at conception. And in case you're wondering, I'm not going to try and answer those deep questions in this entry. Perhaps some day, when I have gotten myself some more kahnuhawledge and then will hopefully be able to better articulate my thoughts. But for those who were curious as to where I stand, I'm most certainly pro-life and as it was said in Juno, "All babies want to get borned! All babies want to get borned!"
Until next time, unless of course we allow some judges to decide that post-vaginal-exit abortions are legal, in which case I suspect I will not survive to write another entry;
De Facto
P.S. - I added a Link in the Spotlight section to my sidebar which will feature random links to things I think may be of interest. I strongly suggest you check out Dots for Jesus, it's awesome!
"Roe vs. Wade was the correct decision. Christians can't make a coherent case against abortion without resorting to supernatural explanations."
It may be true that for the most part Christians don't have an argument against that decision without referencing their deity or their holy texts (God sent me one last night, it said, "lol" Wurd...) I was a little frustrated when I responded, so excuse me if this comes across as crass, but I had this to say:
"Regardless of whether you['re] pro-choice or pro-life, it was wrong because the judicial branch is not meant to make laws but to determine the legal precedent Roe had to make. Roe should have lost the case and pro-choicers could have used that as a rallying cry for change within our system, but instead the judges overstepped their authority and we bent over and let them give it to us doggy-style.
Roe V. Wade is wrong, wrong, wrong and the only reason I can think of that pro-choicers like it is because it meant that they got what they [want]. I think people on the left side of this social issue are too blinded by that low-blow victory to see what is wrong with that decision."
The fact of the matter is just that. The pro-choice side may be able to make a stronger case against the pro-life position citing their scientific data, but at the same time they completely ignore the gross violation of the fundamental structure of our government. The judicial branch does not make laws, they judge whether an incident happened to be on the right side or the wrong side of the laws already in place.
I once heard a pro-choice advocate describe a fetus as a parasite and that leads me to my next point about the way the pro-choice minimalize the humanity of a fetus in efforts to chalk an unborn baby up to a mass collective of tissue. The problem with trying answer the abortion issue with science is that it is not entirely a scientific question. It's a philosophical question about when life begins. We can try playing pin the tail on the definition of life, but there's even argument whether it's about when life begins if life begins at conception. And in case you're wondering, I'm not going to try and answer those deep questions in this entry. Perhaps some day, when I have gotten myself some more kahnuhawledge and then will hopefully be able to better articulate my thoughts. But for those who were curious as to where I stand, I'm most certainly pro-life and as it was said in Juno, "All babies want to get borned! All babies want to get borned!"
Until next time, unless of course we allow some judges to decide that post-vaginal-exit abortions are legal, in which case I suspect I will not survive to write another entry;
De Facto
P.S. - I added a Link in the Spotlight section to my sidebar which will feature random links to things I think may be of interest. I strongly suggest you check out Dots for Jesus, it's awesome!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Overkill
As I type this I'm a bit shaky. I don't say that to gain sympathy because the last thing that I need is for people to think I'm writing this as a grab for pity. I would much rather have people decide for themselves. Due to all that has transpired this entry is going to be a lot longer than normal, but if you're into truth seeking than I suggest you read all of this.
Along with what I said in my blog entry, which was a gross blanket statement, I also had this to say about Catholics- err, one in particular:
"Tsk, tsk, where is that charitable speech now? Am I so loathsome that you would stoup to such lows just exhaust your ire? Really now, you all claim to be of higher calibre than that, I expected more."
I post a selection of my blog entries on a different forum, Quills & Barbs Writing Club which quite of few of the key players in the incident on the other forum are also a part of. I happened to post my previous entry "A Psychological Experiment" on the Writing Club forum and was lambasted with angry responses which I deleted quite quickly because they were personal attacks. I told everyone that they could redirect their personal statements to me in Private Messages. Just as a side note, that's how personal attacks are dealt with on most forums I've been a moderator or administrator of, but I admit that was not the best way to handle it on the Writing Club forums.
Then I decided to take a hiatus from the Internet. I fasted for a day from the Internet to try and gain some perspective and I was finally feeling good about things. I really felt like I could apologize even though I felt that being banned permanently banned was a major overreaction. I was, and still am, truly apologetic for the confusion and harm I caused with my experiment of gibberish. I'm also apologetic for the blanket statements I made about Catholics, but I will expound on that later. I get back on the computer the next day and find a message from one of the mods who is a personal friend of mine (but not the one who sent me a text the other day) and she said,
"[Name withheld/ Admin of FTN Forums] said this today:
'the only way I would consider allowing him back on was if he sent me an explicit and humble apology that clearly displayed that he understood what was wrong with his actions and why we reacted the way he did.
He would have to register again, however. His account is totally gone.'
So you still may have a chance if you really want to get back on. :)
Oh, and someone suggested that if you do get back on to have a different user name, cause some people still are peeved at you, and it would make a clean slate to work with."
I was a little irked by this because it denies that they overreacted and the fact that they banned me permanently leaves me with only very inconvenient ways of contacting the administrator of Fairy Tale Novel forums (FTN forums). I was still willing to apologize for the damage I had done, because after all there had been damage done even though I didn't intend for it to happen. I started talking to a friend of mine, that's the one who sent me a text the other day, and she informed of this:
"the apology is for what you posted on my forum, not for your experiment[.]
because you attacked the forum and Catholics with that, and that's why [Admin of FTN forums] deleted you[.]"
So, I was temporarily banned for spamming the FTN forums. Got it, accepted it, and willing to apologize for it. Also, I was perfectly willing to apologize personally to the one person who felt threatened by one of my nonsensical rants. I got permanently banned from FTN forums for remarks I made on Quills & Barbs Writing Club forums. Is the picture getting clearer?
Now I was going to post more, such as things people said to me in PMs, but I don't think I need to in order to illustrate my point and that would probably be seen as an invasion of what little trust they had in me by sending me a "private" message. I'll summarize what a lot of them said: I've caused them a lot of hurt. A lot of them were hurt more by my remarks about Catholics than they were about the initial experiment. One in particular has gone so far as to leave Quills & Barbs Writing Club forums in protest of my very existence (at least, that's what I've been led to believe is her reasoning for it.)
And now for the most important portion of this entry: an explanation followed by an apology. I do not hate all Catholics, in fact I have nothing against Catholics themselves I just don't agree with all the doctrine the Church teaches. The statements I made were harsh and blanketed, a mistake I made because I was writing in the heat of the moment and being irrational about it; I make no excuse for myself there. What I'm really upset about is the fact that a small group of people in positions of authority that enforce charitable speech and behavior have suddenly gone out and done the very thing they punish others for. I also hate that they can decide to move against a member of their community that they don't like even though they had to pull material from another location outside of the jurisdiction of their community to incriminate me with. Then they launched an all-out assault (literally flooded my inbox) with contemptuous messages. And yet somehow I'm still the one who has done wrong that cannot be forgiven without an explicit admittance of wrongdoing and an expression of contriteness?
My flesh wants to get prideful and proverbially give them all the middle finger, but that is only my flesh and I am a new creature in Christ. It was definitely poor judgment on my part to experiment on a forum, especially a forum full of children (even more so when a portion of the most influential mods are children.) I'll readily admit I made a huge mistake in doing so. I also admit that I made blanket statements about Catholics that were wrong and hurtful. I was acting in a moment of extreme anger, but that does not justify it. Nothing does. Ever. Proverbs 15:1 says, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." Had I kept this in mind before saying what I did about Catholics, perhaps this wouldn't have happened like it did.
So yes, I apologize for doing for an experiment in a place completely unsuited and ineligible for such. I apologize for making blanket statements about all Catholics when I really only had a problem with a handful. It was wrong and no amount of provocation justifies what I did. I also apologize that two of my cherished personal friends were dragged into this. One in particular had to run oodles of interference, text me, tried to call me, and made strong cases on my behalf as the mods and admin from FTN forums defended their actions adamantly. That friend didn't ask to be brought into this, she dove in to try to help me and in the end got burned on both sides of the rope for it. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right, and for that I apologize.
Until next time,
De Facto
Along with what I said in my blog entry, which was a gross blanket statement, I also had this to say about Catholics- err, one in particular:
"Tsk, tsk, where is that charitable speech now? Am I so loathsome that you would stoup to such lows just exhaust your ire? Really now, you all claim to be of higher calibre than that, I expected more."
I post a selection of my blog entries on a different forum, Quills & Barbs Writing Club which quite of few of the key players in the incident on the other forum are also a part of. I happened to post my previous entry "A Psychological Experiment" on the Writing Club forum and was lambasted with angry responses which I deleted quite quickly because they were personal attacks. I told everyone that they could redirect their personal statements to me in Private Messages. Just as a side note, that's how personal attacks are dealt with on most forums I've been a moderator or administrator of, but I admit that was not the best way to handle it on the Writing Club forums.
Then I decided to take a hiatus from the Internet. I fasted for a day from the Internet to try and gain some perspective and I was finally feeling good about things. I really felt like I could apologize even though I felt that being banned permanently banned was a major overreaction. I was, and still am, truly apologetic for the confusion and harm I caused with my experiment of gibberish. I'm also apologetic for the blanket statements I made about Catholics, but I will expound on that later. I get back on the computer the next day and find a message from one of the mods who is a personal friend of mine (but not the one who sent me a text the other day) and she said,
"[Name withheld/ Admin of FTN Forums] said this today:
'the only way I would consider allowing him back on was if he sent me an explicit and humble apology that clearly displayed that he understood what was wrong with his actions and why we reacted the way he did.
He would have to register again, however. His account is totally gone.'
So you still may have a chance if you really want to get back on. :)
Oh, and someone suggested that if you do get back on to have a different user name, cause some people still are peeved at you, and it would make a clean slate to work with."
I was a little irked by this because it denies that they overreacted and the fact that they banned me permanently leaves me with only very inconvenient ways of contacting the administrator of Fairy Tale Novel forums (FTN forums). I was still willing to apologize for the damage I had done, because after all there had been damage done even though I didn't intend for it to happen. I started talking to a friend of mine, that's the one who sent me a text the other day, and she informed of this:
"the apology is for what you posted on my forum, not for your experiment[.]
because you attacked the forum and Catholics with that, and that's why [Admin of FTN forums] deleted you[.]"
So, I was temporarily banned for spamming the FTN forums. Got it, accepted it, and willing to apologize for it. Also, I was perfectly willing to apologize personally to the one person who felt threatened by one of my nonsensical rants. I got permanently banned from FTN forums for remarks I made on Quills & Barbs Writing Club forums. Is the picture getting clearer?
Now I was going to post more, such as things people said to me in PMs, but I don't think I need to in order to illustrate my point and that would probably be seen as an invasion of what little trust they had in me by sending me a "private" message. I'll summarize what a lot of them said: I've caused them a lot of hurt. A lot of them were hurt more by my remarks about Catholics than they were about the initial experiment. One in particular has gone so far as to leave Quills & Barbs Writing Club forums in protest of my very existence (at least, that's what I've been led to believe is her reasoning for it.)
And now for the most important portion of this entry: an explanation followed by an apology. I do not hate all Catholics, in fact I have nothing against Catholics themselves I just don't agree with all the doctrine the Church teaches. The statements I made were harsh and blanketed, a mistake I made because I was writing in the heat of the moment and being irrational about it; I make no excuse for myself there. What I'm really upset about is the fact that a small group of people in positions of authority that enforce charitable speech and behavior have suddenly gone out and done the very thing they punish others for. I also hate that they can decide to move against a member of their community that they don't like even though they had to pull material from another location outside of the jurisdiction of their community to incriminate me with. Then they launched an all-out assault (literally flooded my inbox) with contemptuous messages. And yet somehow I'm still the one who has done wrong that cannot be forgiven without an explicit admittance of wrongdoing and an expression of contriteness?
My flesh wants to get prideful and proverbially give them all the middle finger, but that is only my flesh and I am a new creature in Christ. It was definitely poor judgment on my part to experiment on a forum, especially a forum full of children (even more so when a portion of the most influential mods are children.) I'll readily admit I made a huge mistake in doing so. I also admit that I made blanket statements about Catholics that were wrong and hurtful. I was acting in a moment of extreme anger, but that does not justify it. Nothing does. Ever. Proverbs 15:1 says, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." Had I kept this in mind before saying what I did about Catholics, perhaps this wouldn't have happened like it did.
So yes, I apologize for doing for an experiment in a place completely unsuited and ineligible for such. I apologize for making blanket statements about all Catholics when I really only had a problem with a handful. It was wrong and no amount of provocation justifies what I did. I also apologize that two of my cherished personal friends were dragged into this. One in particular had to run oodles of interference, text me, tried to call me, and made strong cases on my behalf as the mods and admin from FTN forums defended their actions adamantly. That friend didn't ask to be brought into this, she dove in to try to help me and in the end got burned on both sides of the rope for it. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right, and for that I apologize.
Until next time,
De Facto
Monday, August 16, 2010
A Psychological Experiment ***Updated***
The other night a friend called me up and was asking for prayer about something and then went on about living with a lioness and being a St. Bernard. I was quite shocked and inquired if she was intoxicated or had drank some contaminated water, to which she became infuriated. The next three hours were spent arguing and summarily it was decided by me that there was no evidence to suggest that this friend was beneficial to me. Rest assured that this was merely the straw that broke the camels back, I do not give up on people that easily.
It inspired me to continue my psychological research into humanity. There have been countless experiments I've conducted serendipitously, but this one was indeed deliberate. I infested my blog, Facebook, and most frequented forum with rantings of nonsensical nature. You can read the previous entry if you need an example. Most people disregarded it as me being silly, which I appreciate and even joked about me typing in my sleep (that really tickled me), but the other reaction was much more hostile. You see, while I restrained from explaining what I was doing or why, I tried to be careful about how I did it. I may have already broken a few rules of ethical experimentation by not notifying the participants that they were being experimented on, but I did my best not to break the rules of the groups in which I communicated with.
The forum I posted on, Fairy Tale Novel Forums is a group of like-minded individuals whose common ground is their like of Regina Domans modern retelling of classic fairy tales. Most of the forum members are female, Catholic, and home schooled. While conducting the experiment I took precious care not to say anything offensive. For a time I had posted my nonsense in threads that I normally would post in, offering up more nonsensical ramblings as if I truly was trying to express my ideas. The first time I did this some of the forum members went so far as to try an extrapolate a meaning, to them I owe a huge thanks, but others were not so amused. After a while I was confined to posting my ramblings in the "pointless off-topic" thread which serves as a place to post random things that pertain to nothing else. Lately however, some people seem to think that a pointless off-topic thread needs to have a point and can only contain what they deem appropriate for such a random thread, but I'm digressing now. After a few more posts I was banned. That's right, outright banned for my nonsensical utterances without a warning. Ok, so I did get a warning, but only after I had been banned. The warning came through a text message by one of the moderators who is a personal friend. It was too late though, she sent me a text after I had been banned that if I did not stop I would be temporarily banned. I am no longer welcome to that sheltered little community until the 19th at 17:31. Had I received this warning before being banned I would have stopped, written this blog, and posted a link to it for everyone to read so that they might understand why I did what I did.
Frankly, I'm both disappointed and yet not surprised. I have always believed that people fear what they cannot understand, they also fear what they cannot control. The moderators had to make a choice, do we let this guy who has been contributing to our forums mostly on the productive side continue to ramble on, or do we get rid of him? The choice was easy: they couldn't understand me, they couldn't control me, and so they shut me out. They say it was for spamming, and while I can see their point, I did upon request confine myself to posting in their pointless off-topic thread. Even that was not good enough for them, though I was not harming anyone except by means of a little confusion.
I can understand why some might be a little irked upon reading this. I know it's not the fantasy of everyone to be in an experiment, but nonetheless it happened. While this experiment has little scientific value, it proved something that I had to know about humanity in particular the good little Catholics and their charity. I'm a bit peeved that they banned me without warning, since I consider my friends' text message to be an unofficial warning, but I suppose that others might see it as payment in full for subjecting them to an experiment they didn't agree to. I'll be honest though, now seeing the measure of Man, I'm not sure I'd really want go back to that forum. I think I'd be better off with the sinners since they make no pretense about being good, holy, and "charitable".
Until next time,
De Facto
*** UPDATE ** I have been banned permanently. Needless to say I am stunned, hurt, and well... Angry...
It inspired me to continue my psychological research into humanity. There have been countless experiments I've conducted serendipitously, but this one was indeed deliberate. I infested my blog, Facebook, and most frequented forum with rantings of nonsensical nature. You can read the previous entry if you need an example. Most people disregarded it as me being silly, which I appreciate and even joked about me typing in my sleep (that really tickled me), but the other reaction was much more hostile. You see, while I restrained from explaining what I was doing or why, I tried to be careful about how I did it. I may have already broken a few rules of ethical experimentation by not notifying the participants that they were being experimented on, but I did my best not to break the rules of the groups in which I communicated with.
The forum I posted on, Fairy Tale Novel Forums is a group of like-minded individuals whose common ground is their like of Regina Domans modern retelling of classic fairy tales. Most of the forum members are female, Catholic, and home schooled. While conducting the experiment I took precious care not to say anything offensive. For a time I had posted my nonsense in threads that I normally would post in, offering up more nonsensical ramblings as if I truly was trying to express my ideas. The first time I did this some of the forum members went so far as to try an extrapolate a meaning, to them I owe a huge thanks, but others were not so amused. After a while I was confined to posting my ramblings in the "pointless off-topic" thread which serves as a place to post random things that pertain to nothing else. Lately however, some people seem to think that a pointless off-topic thread needs to have a point and can only contain what they deem appropriate for such a random thread, but I'm digressing now. After a few more posts I was banned. That's right, outright banned for my nonsensical utterances without a warning. Ok, so I did get a warning, but only after I had been banned. The warning came through a text message by one of the moderators who is a personal friend. It was too late though, she sent me a text after I had been banned that if I did not stop I would be temporarily banned. I am no longer welcome to that sheltered little community until the 19th at 17:31. Had I received this warning before being banned I would have stopped, written this blog, and posted a link to it for everyone to read so that they might understand why I did what I did.
Frankly, I'm both disappointed and yet not surprised. I have always believed that people fear what they cannot understand, they also fear what they cannot control. The moderators had to make a choice, do we let this guy who has been contributing to our forums mostly on the productive side continue to ramble on, or do we get rid of him? The choice was easy: they couldn't understand me, they couldn't control me, and so they shut me out. They say it was for spamming, and while I can see their point, I did upon request confine myself to posting in their pointless off-topic thread. Even that was not good enough for them, though I was not harming anyone except by means of a little confusion.
I can understand why some might be a little irked upon reading this. I know it's not the fantasy of everyone to be in an experiment, but nonetheless it happened. While this experiment has little scientific value, it proved something that I had to know about humanity in particular the good little Catholics and their charity. I'm a bit peeved that they banned me without warning, since I consider my friends' text message to be an unofficial warning, but I suppose that others might see it as payment in full for subjecting them to an experiment they didn't agree to. I'll be honest though, now seeing the measure of Man, I'm not sure I'd really want go back to that forum. I think I'd be better off with the sinners since they make no pretense about being good, holy, and "charitable".
Until next time,
De Facto
*** UPDATE ** I have been banned permanently. Needless to say I am stunned, hurt, and well... Angry...
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